No one likes to think about their babies being all grown up and moving away. I hate to think about them all walking and just being big enough to do more on their own. In the end, this all still happens.
I’ve taken some time to think about this blog. I’ve thought about it quite a bit, actually. In the end, when my babies are all grown up and they’re ready to face the world, it’s going to go back to me and Bryan. What if we don’t like each other when the kids are gone? What if we have changed into completely different people by then? What does this mean for us?
That means that I need to be sure I’m doing a good job and putting in the work to make sure that my marriage stays on solid ground. As focused and as busy as we are with the kids, I need to be sure that I still take the time out of my day to make my husband feel as though I still need him.
Not just as the father of my children, because we know I couldn’t do that alone. No, I still need him to be my husband. I need to put my phone down at night and have a real conversation with him. We used to have time to sit and talk about everything. I knew things he was thinking about. I knew things that he was becoming interested in. I knew the in’s and out’s of everything there was to know about Bryan.
I sat down last night and wondered if I could say the same now. With three one year old’s, it doesn’t make it easy to know everything that is going on around me. Could I still answer the basic questions about my husband?
As of right now, I can. If I’m not careful though, those things could go away. I not only need him in my day to day life, I need him forever. My life partner. My rock. When things are shaky, he needs to be the one that I turn to. He needs to be the one that I rely on with my inner struggles.
So tonight, and hopefully every night, when the babies go to sleep I need to turn off the computer. I need to put away my phone. I need to turn off the TV. I need to reconnect with the person that I couldn’t wait to spend my life with. The man that provides for his family. The man that loves my babies with his whole heart.
I’m lucky that we had a steady foundation. For the past ten years, we’ve grown together. Anything that we went through, we did it together. We did it holding hands. We did it holding each other.
I know this isn’t a the normal ‘baby blog’ that you’ve grown used to. I just needed to take a minute to share my thoughts on the work that I am going to start putting back into my marriage. Bryan and I both knew that marriage wasn’t always going to be easy. We just knew it was going to be worth it.
We felt the same way about having a baby. So far, every day, I can say that it’s totally worth it. I love my life. I love raising these three beautiful babies. I love sharing those times with my husband. I just need to remember that I worked for almost six years on this marriage, and I need to continue to do that.
So if I don’t answer Facebook messages. Or I don’t like something on Instagram that you posted at night. I’m working on my marriage. Today, tomorrow, and forever. I’m always going to work on my marriage and fight for what I wanted ten years ago. A life that I can be proud to say we built together.
I love you Bryan, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us. This crazy, beautiful, blessed life.