Staying Social

After I found out I was going to have triplets, there was little that I stressed about. I needed to keep myself anxiety free and I strived to do that through my entire pregnancy. Now that they are here, I try to do the same.

I firmly believe, that my children’s moods  all stem from my mood. On a daily basis, if I’m tired or cranky, I can tell that reflects in them. If we have a good night’s sleep and we start our morning off on the right note, our household’s moods are all in the right place.

One thing I knew was going to change, was my ability to stay in touch and see my friends the way I normally would. I knew it was important to me to stay close with the friends I was closest with. Three babies was definitely going to change my life, In almost every way, those changes were positive.

I knew that if I was worth the effort to my friends then they were worth the effort to me. In the beginning, unless someone was coming to see me, I didn’t get to see any of my friends. My close friends and family definitely came to see the babies, but it was getting harder and harder for me not to get lost in the every day of taking care of the babies.

It took about six months, before I realized that I was seeing my friends less and less. Was it because they thought I was too busy? Did they think that I wasn’t able to go out and do the normal stuff we used to so they just stopped asking?

I talked to my closer friends about it and they knew how I was feeling. I started to see them a little bit more but it still felt as if I was perceived as too busy. I stopped getting the invites that I used to. No one wants to meet for lunch when I have the three babies with me. They could sit just fine in a restaurant for me to have lunch.

No one wanted to invite us to bonfires, because they knew we had a schedule to keep. I wish there was a big sign to put out saying that we’re free to do what we did before. Babies are portable! We may come with a full carload of our house packed up, but we handle our business exactly the same!

The babies are quite laid back and go with the flow anywhere we are. They’ve learned patience because they have to wait their turn every day. They sit in their stroller longer than what one baby would, because they know we can’t carry them all, all the time. We can still go on trips and do dinners. Honestly, we probably needed that more then than ever.

Now that we’re fourteen months in, it’s gotten easier. We see our friends more often and we are enjoying our own things again. Bryan’s racing and the babies have gotten to go to the races a couple times. I’m writing my books and spending time with my friends again. We’ve really settled in.

It took time, but I think most of our friends realized that as much as our lives had changed, they were still a priority to us. The adult conversation is what I missed the most about being home with the babies all the time. When I get together with my friends, I tell them in advance I’ll probably talk their ears off. To speak and have someone understand me and answer me, is something I never thought I would miss.

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely blessed to be with my babies all day. I can make the babies laugh all day long and that puts a smile on my face. They make me happier than I ever have been in my entire life. That doesn’t mean, I don’t need adult time. Sometimes, that’s even just ten minutes to myself.

When Bryan takes the kids out to swing at the end of his day, and I stay in just to clean my house, that is a great break to me. When I get to go to dinner with a friend and catch up, that’s an amazing break to me. The only thing I ever wanted from my friends was for them to treat me as a normal mom.

Just because I had three babies at once, doesn’t mean that I came into motherhood any different. Three babies is just my normal and I need to be able to do the normal things that I used too.

I am lucky because my family and my friends see the benefits in me having three at once and they have adjusted right along with me. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t lose friends along the way. People that I thought would be there for me through it all, I lost. And that’s totally okay. If you can’t handle the blessings I was handed, that’s okay. I understand that lunch with me comes with baggage. I understand that I need to make sure we have a good day and they kids will be okay for my husband in order for me to go out to dinner.

For the friends that I lost, it just made me appreciate the friends that stuck it out with me. The ones that see what I have and know that I truly feel the blessing in it all. The ones that text or call just to check in on us. The ones that have asked multiple times how Brody is doing. We love you all and you know who you are.

I don’t need a daily reminder that they’re there for me. I just know that if I needed them they would be there and it’s just another way that life has weeded out the people that didn’t find me as important to them as I did to me.

Family and friends are so important in life. They build you up instead of tearing you down. To the ones that still send that message about a bonfire. To the ones that still call/text when they’re thinking of me. To the ones that drop what they’re doing and come to help me when I think my son is hurt. I am lucky to have the loved ones that I do. I need you all to know how much you are appreciated for going with the flow right along with us!