We had finally made it home! Brody was on his heart monitor but we were all in one place. That night wasn’t the smoothest getting home from the hospital. We had gotten stuck in traffic and it took a really long time just to get home.
When we finally got inside the door, it was time for a bottle. The kids all got to eat and then we were going to start getting organized for our first night all together. Everything we could possibly need was here. We had learned a lot over the last five weeks in the NICU and we were scared but confident all at the same time.
Never knowing if Brody’s monitor was going to go off was nerve racking. We had to take a CPR class before we left the NICU and that only hammered it into our minds that his heart rate was still dropping.
We had decided that the babies were all going to sleep in the same crib at first. I swear, the three of them swaddled in blankets and sleeping next to each other, was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen in my life.
I was feeling overwhelmingly blessed even though I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I had to keep praying and just telling myself that God wouldn’t have given me these three precious gifts if he didn’t believe I could handle it.
One day at a time. That is why, to this day, I do a mental check mark in my mind at the end of each day. Even days where all I want to do is shower and go to bed, I look at my babies and remember what it felt like to wait for them. Everyday, they make me better. Everyday they make me stronger. Everyday they make me smile.
Someone had once stopped me and said, “Wow, your days are filled with crying.” I smiled and said, “They do cry. Then they smile and when they do, it reminds me of how blessed I am.” Don’t get me wrong, everyday is a new challenge. Some days it feels like my husband will never get home from work. Then, they will do something to make each other laugh. Or they will do something to make me laugh. Those laughs, those smiles, it makes everything worth it. I had never imagined my life being the way that it is but now, being where I am, I could never picture it any other way.
I also never pictured myself as a stay at home mom. I loved my job. I loved the challenges of my job. After a while, I couldn’t imagine not being here with my babies every day. Watching them grow. Watching them learn. Having them teach me something new.
It took a while, but we were able to establish a great schedule for them. They were feeding every three hours and I was pumping every two. I wasn’t sure how long my milk would last, now that we were all home together, but I was going to give it my best shot.
Bryan stayed at home with us for two weeks once the babies were all home. I was mortified the first day that he left us but quickly found my footing. It’s a scenario that you never really can imagine. Honestly, you just have to do it. It’s not like you can just say, “Okay, nevermind! I’m going for a drive.” These babies are yours. They’re your responsibility.
People use the saying, “Fake it til you make it.” This is what I lived by for the first six months. There were days where I was exhausted. There were days that I didn’t know how I would make it through. There were days, I had been thrown up on so many times, I didn’t know if I had any clean t-shirts to put on.
Those days are easily outweighed by the days that put a smile on my face. The days where they slept for five hours instead of three. The days where they started rolling over. The days where they started to say ‘mama’ and ‘dada’. The days where they started interacting more with each other. Watching their bond is something that I never could’ve imagined experiencing.
In my last blog, I told you that I thought Brody just missed his brother and sister in the NICU. After three weeks, our pediatrician told us to take him off of his heart monitor. Reason being? It never went off. The fact that as babies, they shared a bond that strong, it shocked me. We were totally in the clear. We had some follow up appointments at Children’s hospital, but nothing compared to everything we had just gone through.
As the days went on, we found a steady schedule. The babies were so good for me during the day. In the future, we would run into bad days. Teething days. Or just normal days. I knew that with God on my side, he was going to see us through.
If you ever see me anywhere, and I’m looking overwhelmed, I may just be. But imagine this…as full as you think my hands are, my heart is twenty times fuller than that.
My next blog is going to be about the expectations and pressures we put on other mother’s or just parents in general. The things that people ask can sometimes make you feel inferior. They may not even realize they’re doing it!
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